


Living Legends & Tin Cans

by thatpocketlint



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Cancer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-16 18:12:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1357129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatpocketlint/pseuds/thatpocketlint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>New York seems far in the past, especially since the loss of Pepper two years ago. Tony has successfully pushed away every member of the team, as far as they'll let him- except one. Steve Rogers is not so easily shaken and he made a promise that he intends to keep. When you mix one stubborn soldier with one emotional train wreck you're bound to get brawls, booze, and some heated sexual tension. Question is, who's going to be the last man standing?</p><p>This was written back before Iron Man 3, so you're basically working with events from Iron Man 2 and back. Sorry guys!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Toilet Teddy

**Author's Note:**

> This was written some time ago, when I was pregnant with my now almost one year old daughter. I got to a point in the story where I rushed because I was stuck, and it ruined it for me. I've brought it over to AO3 from my old fanfiction account, so if you've read it before this is why you recognize it. If you're an old reader, things will change. You won't recognize certain parts. And that's okay. This story is growing with the author. I'll try to keep updates on every Wednesday, which gives me time to rewrite most of the twelve I already have finished. I always love constructive criticism, and just general comments on what you think.

"Steve."

The super soldier was lost in thought, eyeing the ailing form of a woman he'd come to call his friend. The silk sheets and soft light against skin the shade of snow, tight and slightly wrinkled on a woman who hardly had a flaw at one time.. It was all a bit much to take in. And Steve wasn't even the one who should be crying over this.

" _Steve._ " There was more urgency this time, and Steve forced himself to meet dull blue eyes. The life had already slipped from them, but somehow she was hanging in there. There was still some form of fire left in Pepper Potts. Even if she was nearly skin and bone, even if the pain was so intense that at moments her eyes would water and her front would fall, Pepper wasn't giving up.

Not until Steve made her a promise, and Tony got to say goodbye.

"Tony's going to be here soon, Pepper," Steve said softly, having long ago dropped the Miss that would have been tacked onto her name. She was a bit stubborn, and once she insisted upon something, you might as well just go with it. Hand reached out to accept the one she offered, taking a seat at her bedside. "Why don't you go to the hospital? I'm sure they can do something. Maybe take the pain away, or-"

"The pain is going to be gone soon enough," Pepper said, tone soft yet forceful. Because she wanted Steve to shut up, just for a moment. Just listen to her. At this point, even dragging in the breath to make her point, to get the words out, was labored. Pepper was a smart woman, always had been, and she knew what this was. "I need to talk to you before Tony gets here. Because once he does, I won't have time for anyone else."

Steve was having a hard time with this. It wasn't like watching a soldier fall, or saying goodbye to a comrade. Pepper was probably the reason why Steve and Tony had become such good friends, best friends. If she hadn't been the one to force Tony to drag him out to that ridiculous charity event last year, if she hadn't sweet talked Steve into going, they'd still be at each others throats right now. It was a fond memory, Steve thinking back to carrying Tony home and receiving an affectionate, "You're not bad for an ice cicle from the forties." What a start that had been. It might not have been much, but it was far from insulting each other on the hellicarrier, and ever since they'd been working on the way they handled one another.

"He's going to need you, Steve," Pepper told him, and her voice quivered slightly as she thought about just how broken Tony was going to be without her. She knew about the ring sitting in his drawer down in the workshop. Hell, she'd known about it for the entire four months that he'd had it hidden there. It was her business to know every move he made, and she'd just been waiting for him to make this one. It was too little, too late, but she was glad he hadn't actually taken that plunge. It would only hurt him more. "He will push you, he will say things he knows will hurt you.. I know, I know, he already does that." She offered her own pained smile at the one that slipped on Steve's features. "But I need you to promise that you'll hold on, you won't let him push you and the others away. You're his family now, the closest to one he's ever had. Please-"

"Pepper," Steve said quietly, not wanting her to push herself or overwork her failing body. "I swear on my life, I will stand by his side no matter how hard he tries to stop me." And that wasn't a promise, that was something much deeper. Because Steve had grown to know Tony nearly as well as Pepper did, something that no one thought possible. He might even outshine Rhodey, but Steve wasn't keeping track. All he knew was that someone had to push through that stubborn, thick, probably reinforced with metal skull of Tony's and help him through this.

Before either could say another word, Thor was coming through the door, solemn expression on his face. It was a horrible day when Thor couldn't even manage a smile, but he sure did try. Mortals. So fragile, so easy to slip away from the world. He couldn't find words, but it was obvious that Pepper took comfort in him being here- she had insisted that JARVIS make the call to the entire team. Tony was to be saved for last, because if he got here before them he would surely refuse to let everyone in.

He would refuse to believe it.

Stark was currently adjusting his tie, trying to keep his defenses from breaking down. Because when he got the call, he'd been in New York. And yes, he had refused to believe it. After all, the diagnosis had only come seven or so weeks ago. Actually, it was seven weeks, two days, fourteen hours and nineteen minutes, but who was really keeping track of it. Besides Tony, of course. Because he had to keep track of something.

Everyday was a fight to find the cure, and everyday he would end up throwing everything in his lab, sending it crashing and the AI he'd designed backing up and trying not to get in his way. Especially Dummy, because as much as he would do for his master, the machine seemed to realize that his clumsy ways would only cause problems. Every moment he wasn't in the lab was spent with Pepper, reassuring both her and himself that she was fine. She was going to be fine. It didn't matter that Tony knew machines and not medicine, because Tony was going to beat this, because the doctors had said eight months. At the least. That was like an eternity once Tony got into a project, because in just three months he was sure..

But now he wasn't sure. Of anything.

Tony arrived behind Clint and Natasha, who had been waiting outside for him. Because even if Tony didn't want to admit it, this screwy band of heroes had wormed their way into his heart, and he into theirs. Which was why when Bruce arrived moments later, he looked slightly irritated. He'd been searching for Tony as well, but at least someone had found him before he could do something stupid, something crazy.

It had taken Tony hardly any time at all to get here, and he was pretty sure he'd nearly fried the thrusters on the suit. How power had held up, he wasn't sure. Tony simply hated himself for taking this long, but really, how quickly could he cross the country without blowing the suit apart?

Steve moved aside without being asked, and Tony took his spot without hesitation. Eyes were red with bottled tears, but he was not going to cry. Not when Pepper needed him to be strong.

"How you holding up, champ?" Tony asked, and even Natasha's heart was breaking as his voice cracked. Tony always had walls in place, emotions like this weren't something his team ever go to see. Vulnerability was not something ever shared. But Tony could only be so strong, and seeing Pepper like this was really beginning to do him in.

"I'm sorry, Tony," Pepper began, because she felt he needed to hear it. "Sorry that I let you hope. I kind of.. knew for the past two or so weeks that this was it." She paused, taking in a pained breath, because this was getting hard. Her body was urging her to stop, to let go, but she had to make sure that Tony heard her out. That he realized that she didn't blame him, and that he couldn't blame himself.

"Stop it," Tony said firmly, grasping her hand and raising one hand to a shallow cheek. God, how long had she been looking like this? He'd been so focused on the lab that he hadn't even noticed how sick she looked, how far gone she already was. "Listen, you just.. Just start treatment for now, I can fix this. I can fix you, I can find the cure, Pepper, you can't give up-"

"It's not a matter of giving up anymore, Tony," Pepper replied, firm yet understanding, her own eyes watering. This was the hardest goodbye she'd ever said, because after this goodbye she wasn't going to be around anymore. It was the most terrifying idea she'd ever had to face, but at least she didn't have to face it alone. She was startled to see a tear roll down his cheek, but he made quick work to swipe it away. "I physically cannot keep this up. It's okay, Tony. It's not your fault. You've done everything you could for me. I just want to sleep. But I don't want to be alone, and I want to make sure you're taken care of before I sleep."

Tony felt suddenly uncomfortable, and he would have asked everyone to leave if he hadn't know that would upset Pepper. They were seeing a side of him he did his best to keep under wraps, after all.

"I need you to do something for me, Tony," Pepper continued, and Tony's barely audible "anything" didn't go unnoticed. "It's a lot to ask of you, but it's important to me. I need you to make me a promise." And Tony hated to hear that, because he was awful with keeping promises. Stark was known for breaking them, in fact. Especially where women were involved. But he wasn't going to point this all out, he was going to nod. He was going to do everything he could. Even though she was not dying, there was no way she was leaving Tony behind. "Promise me you won't push them away. The Avengers. Your friends, Tony. Promise me you'll hold onto them."

Pepper had always been intelligent, something that Tony was now cursing. They were the first people he would have cut ties with, shoved them as far away as possible, because after Pepper, and Rhodey, they were all important parts of his life. Meaning he was attatched, much more than he had ever intended to become. Now it was obvious that everyone was vulnerable, and he realized with a sharp pain in his chest that these friends of his were just as likely to die on him as Pepper. Every mission, every crazy stalker.. They were all in danger. They all had clocks that were ticking away. Except for Thor, but fuck him, alright, because right now Tony didn't have the patience to see the amusement in that.

It took a few moments to realize that everyone here was holding their breath, including Tony. And then he was nodding, and he was trying to keep his voice even, because God he was going to lose it if he didn't. "I promise you, Pepper," he replied softly. "But listen to me, you've got it in you. You've put up with my bullshit all these years. You can't just give up over something so silly as a horrible disease. You'e Pepper Potts, and you-"

"Can't do this, Tony," Pepper finished for him, and she didn't miss the way his adams apple bobbed up and down in a gulp. "I'm sorry. I love you, Tony. You know that, right?"

"Of course I know that," Tony insisted, leaning closer, fingers running carefully through thin amber hair. "And I love you. I love you more than I ever thought I could. We have so much more to do. I need you, Pep. Need you for so much in my life. How will I tie my shoes without you?"

"Dummy knows how, you just have to give him the chance to prove it," Pepper replied, and even through this awful moment they each cracked a pained smile. Tony pressed his forehead against hers, feeling silent tears trickle down his cheeks, and the sound of sniffling noses came from just about every direction. It was apparent that Pepper was done speaking, and the others surrounded her. Some knelt, others sat on the bed, but each of them watched quietly. Pepper was done with talking, that much was apparent. Eyes were closed, breath was shallow.

No one knew how long she slept, no one cared to look at the clock, because time didn't matter. No one questioned that Tony wasn't moving, either, that his shoulders had long since stopped shaking. No one even bothered to say a word until her breath finally came to a ragged stop, and Tony lifted his head to look at the woman he'd loved and now lost.

But Tony didn't cry.

Tony was through with crying, because there was nothing he could do. This wasn't the end, though. He was still going to find that cure. She wasn't really gone. Just.. out of reach. He hardly heard Bruce excuse himself, obviously a bit overwhelmed with the situation. Bruce was his close companion, after all, and the Hulk had apparently taken to Tony ever since the battle with the crazy aliens and that nutty trickster over a year and a half ago. Hopefully Bruce wasn't going to hulk out here in Tony's Malibu home, because there were only so many rooms for him to destroy.

It was Clint and Natasha who took the hint next, deciding that they were better to leave Tony alone than to try and say anything comforting. Neither was very good with this sort of thing. They were agents; loss happened. Death was a part of life. Tony wasn't an agent. He wasn't a soldier. He was a man, a fragile man who had feelings despite his best attempts to pretend he didn't.

Finally Thor followed suit, but Steve wasn't budging. He simply took a spot against the wall, arms crossed, watching as Tony carefully traced Pepper's jaw. Tony would never admit it, but he was grateful that Steve hadn't left too. This was a moment that only his Capsicle could know how to handle. Tony didn't need anyone to apologize, anyone to try and be understanding and tell him all about how he was going to get through this.

Tony needed time to mourn, time to accept that she was gone, and Steve understood.

How long the two kept silent this way, neither knew. Tony continued to stare at Pepper, at her shell rather, the body that was lacking everything that had made the woman who she was. When the body was removed to be taken to the coroner, Tony didn't budge, didn't move his gaze even as her face was removed from his vision. Finally his head was palced against the sheets, which still held a bit of her warmth, still contained her scent.

It wasn't until breath became shallow and Steve was sure Tony was asleep that Steve slipped out the door, careful not to make a sound as it closed behind him. Tony needed the rest, anyway, because the next few days he was sure to do anything but sleep.

 

* * *

 

Two years had passed, dragging painfully slow for everyone. Tony had spent the last six months spiraling back into his old habbits. The alcohol was where it started. Tony had been going easy on the alcohol after Pepper had insisted, about four months into their relationship. Obviously his raunchy days had stopped much sooner.

But Tony could only behave himself for so long.

It started simply, deciding that he wanted a scotch. Or two. Or six, actually. At first it was just drinking. But then Tony had a party, and maybe things got a little out of control. And he woke up thinking that.. Wow. He was still holding out, hoping that Pepper would be there in the morning to scold him.

But she wasn't.

Months later here he was, riding in the back of the cab and trying to remember why Happy wasn't picking him up. Oh, right, because he'd told him to go the fuck home. Tired of hearing Happy try and convince him, alright, Tony, you've had enough. Maybe we should get you home now, I'm sure Steve will be waiting. Tony? Really, don't you think that this is too much? Tony never had too much.

It was obvious that Tony was a different man than before. Down to the extra wrinkles, the dark circles beneath his eyes that refused to go away, the way his confidence sometimes seemed forced. Snarky comments were on overdrive, and if once upon a time he'd at least known when was a good time to hold his tounge, he refused to do it now. Forget the progress he'd made towards becoming a man he could be proud of, a man Pepper could be proud of. Tony was downright cruel, uncaring, and refused to let anyone back in. Anyone who had known him knew that none of that was Tony Stark, even if it was the act he'd always attempted to put on.

Late nights in the lab weren't a new occurence, but they had been rather ridiculous lately. It had been a week the last time before Steve had finally coaxed Tony out of there, and that was only because JARVIS went into over-protective mode and locked Tony out of his work. Fucking AI was too smart for his own good, but that was something Tony would never grow tired of. No matter how much he complained about it.

They just didn't understand. None of them did, especially not Steve. Pepper was gone, but he still had to figure out what he could have done. There was always something Tony could have done. The guilt was gnawing at his insides, breaking down walls as fast as Tony could build them.

It was no surprise that Tony had successfully driven a nail through just about every friendship he had within his team. After all, he was known for breaking promises. No matter how hard he tried to remember that Pepper had asked him to keep the Avengers close, her dying wish, he just couldn't. Because their time was ticking, and they were all going to leave him behind too.

Steve was another story, though, wasn't he? Tony often found himself wondering if the stubborn attitude had come with the serum, or if Steve had just always been that pushy. He must not have had many friends. But all of his attempts at ruining his relationship with Steve aside, Tony was happy to have him. Although Stark would never be caught dead admitting it, he really needed Steve in his life.

What had Tony been trying to do just now? The cab driver was saying something, but Tony waved his hand and a one hundred dollar bill in his direction, and then he was leaning against the glass on the window. Huh. Right, he was going to get out, because he was pretty sure that this was his destination. But last Tony had checked, there was only one Stark tower, not four dancing in dazling light on the pavement. Wait a minute, that was definitley Stark Tower. Oh, right.

Tony was really drunk.

Brown eyes were so glazed over that one might wonder how many bottles he'd drained, but no one could have answered that question even if they tried. Honestly, who kept track of his alcohol consumption these days? Well, there were actually probably about five or six people on that list, but hell with them. The Avengers and their babysitter Fury were not his parents, thank you very much, and Tony would do whatever he damn well pleased.

Oh no, Tony was not at all behaving like a toddler who had just witnessed all of his pacifiers being thrown away. Not if you asked him, anyway.

Fingers hooked on the door latch, and Tony realized he was trying to get out of the car! Right! Wow, good job Tony, great. Solved the greatest puzzle known to man. Now, focus, Tony. Fingers pulled back, and the door shifted open- and Tony fell flat on his face against the concreate.

Groan escaped him, because, right! He'd been leaning on the door. This was elementary shit right here, and Tony Stark had been past that point in his life since he was two years old. Genious didn't happen overnight, it was a lifetime thing.

"Shhhhh," Tony hissed at the cement beneath him as though it was being loud and threatening to wake all of New York, ignoring the way that his head throbbed at this point. He needed to invest in softer sidewalks, apparently. Maybe that was something he could invent. Perhaps he should head straight down to the lab and get to work- but no, JARVIS would never let him use power tools, especially anything with fire, which Tony was fond of. Not in this condition. The AI seemed skeptical about Tony playing with fire anytime, actually.

Satisfied that he'd drank enough, and still tingling from the good time that he'd had with the swingers(and what a lovely couple they had been. Oh God, between her tits and his abs, Tony wondered why he hadn't just asked them to adopt him.), Tony decided that no, he would head off to bed instead of wreaking havoc in his workshop. Tomorrow! Carefully, struggling because the ground would not stop moving, and okay, now Tony had six hands, he began to push himself up from his resting place, tugging his legs out of the cab.

As eyes shifted upwards, gaze focused in on a hand. Or maybe two hands, but Tony was sure that it was just one. The hand was attatched to an arm, which led to a shoulder, and then a neck, and wow, Tony had found Steve! Sweet. Wait, why was Steve here? Oh no, busted.

"Later than I would have expected, Stark," Steve said quietly. Tony couldn't tell if he was trying not to smile, or if that was a look of pity. Since he was drunk and didn't need to be logical, Tony decided that it was a smile. Yep, Steve was not disapointed or pitying right now. Because this was Tony, Tony as he had always been and this was no surprise. Nothing to pity.

Steve was always there, always waiting for Tony when the fragile man needed him. It was both something that Tony found incredibly sweet and absolutely infuriating. How many times did Tony have to spit venom at the man before Steve decided to tell him to fuck off? Once no one was hanging onto him anymore, once the Avengers pushed him aside and he had no purpose, he could just live out the rest of his life in self-loathing misery.

But tonight, he was going to live out hugging the toilet.

Tony couldn't have gotten to the elevator on his own, and Steve promptly deposited him on the floor because by now they knew Tony didn't have the balance for this thing when he was this far gone. Now Steve was smiling down at Tony, but it was an obviously pained amusement. How could any man do this to himself so often? It pushed Steve to the edge sometimes, to the point where he wanted to scream at Tony, slam him into a wall, beat some sense into him. If Pepper saw him right now, saw what they had been unable to prevent him from becoming...

Steve was still trying to keep his promise.

"Wher'svybody?" Tony asked, hiccuping slightly. If Steve noticed the way his shoulders shook with silent sobs, he didn't say a word. Because this was the one time when Tony would start to get emotional. Right here on the elevator. If Steve brought attention to it, Tony clammed up.

"Sorry, Tony, I don't understand babbling drunk," Steve replied, sinking down slightly to look him over. He didn't want to think about what those dark, purple bruises just beneath his shirt collar meant. All he could do was hope that Tony had used protection. Not that it mattered on a.. Oh hell, yeah, it mattered on a personal level. But now was not the time nor place for that, was it?

"I 'sked where everybody is," Tony growled, annoyed that by now Steve still didn't understand his slurrs. He figured the super soldier should be able to understand it better than when Tony was speaking regularly!

"Oh, is that what you said, Tony?" Steve asked innocently. "I thought I heard you say I'm a big dummy who can't hold his liquor." Ohh, Steve had jokes tonight! Tony would have laughed, except for it wasn't even half as hilarious as they both knew it was. Instead Tony stuck his tounge out. The elevator drew to a halt, and Steve carefully helped the not-so-intelligent genius to his feet.

"You're 'voidin' the question," Tony belched out, head ducking slightly. Because he didn't care, really. They could do what they wanted. Tony was having the time of his life, they were probably out doing something stupid. Something stupid that he wouldn't have wanted to do even if he was invited. "You know what, 's'fine. Runnin' away 'fore big bad Tony can come home and fuck up 'vryones night." It was nearly spat, but Tony felt he would really spit if he tried to sound malicious right now. "Hell with 'em. I don't need you all ruinin' my fun, bitchin' me out for-" He paused, skin slightly pale, cheeks puffing. But no he was not going to-

Tony spilled his guts right there in the middle of the hallway. There was a lot of shrimp involved. Had he really bought shrimp for everyone? Yep, there was the cocktail sauce. Steve didn't flinch, didn't feel sick at the sight. Instead he ran his fingers carefully through Tony's hair, one hand slipping to gently massage his back. It was in these moments that Tony hated Steve the most because, God whatever his heart was doing it wasn't normal. And his heart only did that when Steve was around.

"Listen, Tony, we're almost to the bathroom," Steve said softly, pulling the man back from the wall that he had slumped against. It was sort of adorable how pathetic Tony could be at times. "Got the cot set up for you and everything." It had long since been decided that on nights like this, Tony was not going to be in his bed. The sheets had already taken a bad enough beating the first fourteen times he'd thrown up all over them in the middle of the night, thank you very much. Tony slumped into Steve's hold, walking as carefully as he could. Now that he'd thrown up, mind was a little clearer. Which meant..

"Never answered m' question," Tony said softly, refusing to look at Steve. Not that it mattered, not that it really hurt to think that his team wanted nothing to do with him. His friends. If you could even call them that these days. Bruce was another one he felt awful for pushing away. Science bros for life, except.. Tony couldn't be his science anything right now.

Tony Stark was a bit of a mess.

"It's Bruce's birthday, Tony." Steve said it carefully, quietly, because he didn't want to see the mixed emotions slip onto Tony's face. They did anyway. "They all went out for Shawarma." And brace for impact, Captain, because here comes the meteor shower.

"Shawarma?" Tony demanded, feeling as though his arc reactor had just been torn out because how dare they! "I intr'duc'd all you assholes to that! And what sort of thanks do I get? Not ev'n an invitishation! Like I would have really gone, but wh-" Pause, because God he was going to throw up. The door was flung open to the bathroom, and Tony was hugging his porcelain Queen. Steve was right behind him with a wash cloth.

"They did want you there," Steve told him quietly, fingers gently running along Tony's spine. Had Tony not been wretching and sobbing at how stupid he was and how awful he felt, he might have enjoyed the touch. "But you were sort of already gone when we decided on what to do, and we knew that once you were gone you were probably halfway to drunk off your butt." Not ass, because Steve very rarely let anything slip. Except when around Tony, and that was because you couldn't help but be that frustrated with the billionaire at times.

"Just.. shut up," Tony mumbled, trying to sound malicious but instead sounding as though his throat was now inside out. Tony was doing his best to be strong and keep telling himself that this was what he wanted, anyway. Tony wanted them all to stop caring, to stop talking to him. Stop including him in things, stop thinking positive things about him. Tony wanted them all to hate him. Except that was so far from the truth that not even Tony himself was going to believe it. Not with the way it stung to think that they hadn't at least tried to contact him.

The two stayed this way for a few moments, Tony wretching every now and then. Finally Tony was down to the dry heaves, and Steve knew there wasn't a thing he could do for him at that point. Carefully he stood, helping Tony to lay back on the cot. Steve tucked Tony in because he wanted to make sure he slept on his side, not because he wanted the tender moment with the man. Tony was stationed right next to the toilet, and for good reason. Steve made sure to leave a glass of water within reach, a box of tissue so Tony could blow his nose, and Tony's Stark phone. Just in case.

"I'm gonna go now, Tony," the Captain said quietly, reaching down to ruffle his hair. "Need anything else? You know I'll answer if you ca-"

"Steve, stop," Tony said softly, unable to open his eyes again now that they had slipped shut. "Please just stop." Alright, maybe he could open his eyes. Testing the theory, Tony found it wasn't that bad, and so he reached out to grip Steve's pant leg. Steve was always doing this. Taking care of Tony, worrying about Tony. It wasn't fair. Not to Steve. "Go out with 'vryone, have a great time.. And pretend I don' exist. Okay? Please?" He paused, hesitating, before closing his eyes again. "Oh 'nd.. Tell Bruce 'm sorry 'm not there. Happy Birthday. Y'know."

Steve took the moment to stare at Tony, soft smile gracing his features. Because oh God, when Tony was so vulnerable he wasn't just adorable. He was so sweet it hurt. Heart squeazed in his chest, and he reached down to give Tony's hair another ruffle.

"I don't even know who Tony Stark is," Steve replied casually. Hesitation, before he finally broke away and headed to the door. With one last worried look at Tony, the lights went off and the door shut. Tony was a pro at this, all he needed was the light from the reactor to help him find the outline of the toilet.

Steve was one of those riddles Tony could never seem to find the answer to, a code he just couldn't crack. It drove him absolutely insane, because he felt that nine times out of ten, it was Steve figuring out Tony. Tony didn't like that. He wasn't the problem, he wasn't the mystery.

Thoughts were interrupted as he turned to cradle the familiar toilet once more, and within moments he was back on his side, for another night of fitful sleep.


	2. Two A.M. Somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hangovers are terrible. Hangovers paired with handsome friends who know how to make you feel bad just by smiling are even worse.

"What is the actual point of a funeral anyway?" Tony asked, eyes fixated on the reflection of his tie in the mirror. Fingers gently toyed with the knot as if there was a problem, as if he had to fix it. Over the past two days everything looked like he had to fix it. Even Jarvis had nearly gotten an unwanted upgrade, but the AI had talked the very groggy, very illogical, very not-thinking-straight Tony out of it at the last minute. Stark was in no shape to do anything other than grieve at the moment.

Which was obviously the last thing the stubborn hero was going to do.

No, not this Stark. He wasn't going to shed another tear, wasn't going to deal with it. He was going to laugh and joke and carry on. No one was going to stop him. No one was going to fight-

He caught a glimpse of her pillow hanging off the bed through the cracked bathroom door, and his throat tightened.

"Please stop procrastinating Tony." How was it that Steve knew just where to cut into his thoughts? That wasn't right. He was strong, he wasn't telepathic. So what was his secret? Tony would grill it about him later.

"Not procrastinating, asking a question," Tony replied with a defensive shrug. Still he didn't turn to look at Steve. Didn't want to see that annoying, knowing look. Like Steve had any actual idea what was going through his head! Only one person ever had and she was.. Well, she wasn't here. "I mean, we all stand around looking at a box and people cry and then it gets shoved in the ground. Why do people have to be there to cry? Ought to just do it and let everyone move on with their lives." Alright, no more messing with the tie, he really had to leave.

Steve didn't grace him with a response to that nonsense but Tony wouldn't have heard it anyway. As soon as he'd decided it was time to face the music he'd turned abruptly and left the room. Steve was of course in tow and Tony was beginning to grow tired of the somber, brooding Capsicle following him around. Every time Tony looked at him Steve was staring, like he was waiting for something. Whatever it was wasn't happening, nope. Tony wasn't going to freak out, if that was even what Steve was waiting for. Which he shouldn't be. Because it wasn't happening.

The car was waiting and if Tony's hands were shaking and his throat was tight he was not going to say a word to Steve about it. Wasn't going to give in to the pity he saw in Bruce's eyes. Like an invitation to lean on him. Lean on him for what? Nothing was different. Nothing had happened. Tony was fine, he'd get over this.

He'd hold on.

 

* * *

 

"What the fucking fuck?" Tony rasped this as the sunlight suddenly attacked him. It could not possibly be morning. He'd gotten, what, ten minutes of sleep? Not even that! What followed his initial statement was every single curse word in his vocabulary, even those in other languages, and he would have gone on and on if the echo of his voice didn't make his head pound louder than a bass drum. Tony hated waking up to sunlight! But wait. He wasn't in a room with windows. Which meant-

"Tony, you have quite a mouth," Steve chided. Odd, he sounded playful. So he wasn't annoyed with Tony for the night before? Great! The man could have jumped for joy if it wouldn't have made him sick. On second thought... the idea alone had his stomach turning.

Up he leaned, lurching forward and heaving into the toilet although nothing remained to be launched into the bowl. Shit, this part of drinking he really hadn't missed. Soft hands met his skin, one on his forehead, cool and damp from the sink, the other at his cheek, somewhat of a comfort. Without hesitation Tony lifted one of his own hands to clutch the one against his cheek, eyes closing as he wretched and tried to catch his breath.

"Easy," Steve cooed softly as he knelt by his broken comrade. It was difficult to see Tony like this after how far he'd come before Pepper's death. He hadn't just fallen off the bandwagon, he'd been pushed and had his face rubbed in the dirt beneath it. "You know, I've never seen a guy dry heave as much as you do. Gotta be a record of some sort. Tony Stark has to do more than everyone, even when it comes to hangovers."

At this he received a broken chuckle, and Tony finally sat up to wipe the corner of his mouth. There may not have been vomit, but there was sticky saliva and that was not something he wanted hanging off the side of his face. Eyes settled onto Steve, looked at the dark circles under each dazzling sapphire eye. It wasn't fair. Steve should be sleeping, not up waiting for Tony to get home from destroying his liver. Guilt wasn't something Tony Stark enjoyed feeling, which was why he still refused to feel it for the death of Pepper. And he wasn't about to start feeling it for keeping Steve up all hours.

"Y'know, Steve, I don't need a babysitter every night," he began to reason. "I know how to stumble my way to the bathroom, did it for years before you or anyone else came along to help me. "Speaking of, you said you'd be back in the morning. Not a half hour."

"Tony.. it's noon," Steve replied, and the man instantly twisted to look at the clock on the wall. What? It had to be noon, because he had definitely gotten home well past midnight.

"Fucking..." But he never quite finished because his eyes locked on Steve's slightly shaking shoulders, and he picked up a roll of toilet paper to throw at him. The soldier dodged without a problem and shook his head, and Tony just laid his head back against the cool seat of the toilet. "You take too much pleasure in my misery, you know that? Anyway, lets get this over with. Hangover treatment, please."

It was the one thing that Tony couldn't really complain about with Steve caring for him; he always came to Tony's aid with orange juice, aspirin, and a piece of bread to sooth his pounding head and inside-out stomach. While Tony would have preferred another glass of whiskey, as that was the sure fire way to kill a hangover right away, he knew better than to ask for that. He had his little breakfast of champions devoured in an instant, and then his eyes settled onto Steve. And then he just stared for a moment, and he really wished that Steve wasn't there.

"What?" Steve quirked a brow, but he didn't look quite so amused. Worry. Tony hated that. There was always a crease in the Cap's forehead or his eyes would be darker than usual. It was Tony's doing and that was what drove him insane. It wasn't in his nature to really care about how he made others feel, not openly at least. It was hard not to care when you'd broken yourself down from several friends to Rhodey and Steve, and these days Rhodey was questionable. Tony constantly tried to reason with himself that this was good, it was what he needed. Cut everyone off so he could wallow in self misery. But Steve was so damn persistent wasn't he? Something about the way Steve went about caring for him, that was what kept Tony from screaming every horrible, insulting sentence he could think of. That was what kept him from driving the nail into the coffin containing their fragile friendship.

That was what kept Tony from completely denying that he really needed Steve in his life.

And so what if there were a few wet dreams and that stupid warmth that bubbled in his chest every time Steve was around? That wasn't part of what kept Tony from pushing him away. No, that notion was completely ridiculous, thank you very much, so don't suggest it again. Besides, he and Steve weren't a thing, they were never going to be a thing, and even if they could be a thing... Tony wasn't over Pepper. Even if he didn't want to admit that to anyone, let alone himself. Because admitting he wasn't over her was admitting that he should be over her. And Tony still wasn't ready to cross that bridge yet. He knew his favorite color, but he wasn't sure about the airspeed velocity of an African Swallow.

Tony was going on a tangent again, even if it was in his own head.

"Nothing at all, Capsicle," Tony replied quietly, running a hand through sticky puke-covered hair. Yuck. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta get my sweet ass into the shower. I'm sure we have a ton of shit to do today, god knows we haven't seen Doom in at least three weeks, he's got to be cooking up another pathetic-"

"The team is handling whatever needs to be taken care of," Steve cut in, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms as Tony stood and wobbled. Sometimes he wondered how Tony had managed not to get himself killed up to this point. The alcoholism wasn't as bad as it had been before Pepper, but that just made him wonder more. Tony could barely get by right now. "You're working off this hangover and relaxing. No, Tony, don't give me that look, you need it and you know it." He met Tony's glare, refusing to back down, and soon Tony was looking at the ground with a scowl on his face. Steve couldn't believe he'd won. "You can go tinker if you'd like. But you're not to suit up today and I mean it. I'm your friend, but I'm still the leader. And I will suspend you." As if that really scared Tony, but it was worth a shot.

"Whatever," Tony grumbled, working out of his clothes without a second thought. It wouldn't be the first time Steve had seen him naked, even though it wasn't for the reasons Tony would have liked. "Can you go now? I'm capable of a shower, scouts honor." And he loved the way that Steve's cheeks flushed and he couldn't look straight at Tony while he was naked, because it was just downright cute. It was also why he wasn't already in the shower dousing himself in warm water.

"Right," he said, turning slightly to avoid having to look everywhere but Tony. "I'll leave you to shower then. Please stay out of trouble, and try to stay in. I can't play nanny tonight." He glanced to Tony, surprised to see.. No, Tony Stark didn't ever look hurt. Except... apparently right now? It was brief, and then he was guarded, but Steve was still sure he'd seen it. "I'm heading to the children's hospital. A little boy there really wants to meet Captain America." And Tony understood, really, Steve always had a thing for helping the little guy and giving them hope. Even when it was far fetched and false.

Before he even thought about it, the words, "I'll go," had already slipped from Tony's lips. But the look on Steve's face told him all he needed to know; it was a sick kid, which meant probably a dying kid. Which meant it was probably cancer. He cleared his throat, turning to twist the water on. "It's no big deal," he muttered under his breath. "People die. Just figured this kid would rather meet a cool super hero like Iron Man instead of Captain Lame-oh." Insults. First defense.

Steve simply grinned, though, and for a moment thought about reaching out to ruffle Tony's hair. Better judgement told him that would just hurt the poor man, at least while his headache was still present. "Alright," he said with a shrug. "Try not to drown, you wouldn't want to break any hearts."

"Am I going with you, then?" Tony kept his tone light, uncaring. Although, as much as he tried to pretend, he really wasn't sure how well he'd handle a hospital full of bald little rugrats going through chemo. "I mean unless this kid doesn't like real heroes, that i-"

"Oh shutup," Steve cut in with a smirk. "I'm a genuine super freak, remember? Not a tin can built by a millionaire. I'm sure they'd much rather see me."

"Billionaire," Tony replied in a sing song voice, obviously beginning to feel a little better. With no shame at all he dropped his drawers and hopped into the steamy water, ignoring the way Steve cleared his throat in obvious discomfort. The way Tony saw it, this was his bathroom. There were plenty of other people Steve could be watching right now. Of course, who could blame him for watching Tony, the man was an absolute masterpiece Well. Maybe Tony was tooting his own horn a little bit.

The click of the door told him Steve was gone, and so against the tile he leaned, a deep sigh escaping his chest. "See ya, you big lug," he muttered to himself, trying to enjoy the way that the water slithered down his back, finding it's way into ever nook, cranny, and scar. Something was up with Tony lately, even he was willing to admit that much. Something beyond Pepper, beyond not being able to find a solution to a problem.

The problem was, Tony had always looked to Pepper as some sort of reasoning behind all his madness. Everything he did, he did because she was going to back him, no matter how crazy it was, no matter how loud the argument got. And on that same note, she was the reason why he didn't do things. Because she'd never forgive him, or because she flat out put her foot down. Tony had been living his life as though she was still here to do it, and perhaps that was what had broken it all down for him. He'd finally realized she wasn't. That was what helped him to break free, helped him to become playboy Tony Stark, alcoholic, life of the party. Everything had been going so well those first few weeks.

But again, Steve had fallen into the picture. Just when Tony was sure he'd pushed him right on out of the frame he'd poked that stupid blonde head of his right back in. Tony had been doing so well on this downward spiral, and Steve had come to the rescue like the big, stupid super hero he was. What was worse, he cared. Steve really cared about Tony, and in some ways his attitude towards Tony reminded him of Pepper. Just like that his downward spiral didn't seem like such a great idea anymore.

"Fuck you, Rogers," Tony sighed into the tile, before standing straight once more to get this damn shower over with, so he could slink right back to bed. This time, not in the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically filler stuff, you'll see a few chapters like that. Honestly the next chapter was always one of my favorites. It has a fight scene.


	3. Thick Skulls

"Tony." The man in question nearly cringed, would have if he hadn't busted into his dusty collection of hard liquors. Even now Tony couldn't bring himself to get hammered, wasted, totally unsure of his surroundings and able to forget his own name. Pepper would have been livid.

Pepper wasn't here.

Tony shook his head to rid the thought, hand slamming down on the rail of the balcony of Stark tower, before spinning on his heel and offering Steve a typical grin. Forced, fake. Didn't matter. That was what they all wanted to see, right? They wanted to see Tony unbroken and ready to move on.

There was Steve in all his glory, and the grin dropped the moment that Tony saw the panic written all over his face. Tony had been avoiding everyone all day, and he realized now that they must have been searching for him. He'd actually just returned. From where? From wherever. He'd suited up and taken off, looking for a fight. Looking for a war. Why had today been so peaceful, why wasn't there blood on his hands and bruises all over his body?

"Where the hell have you been?" Steve's voice tore Tony from within himself, and he was a bit surprised at how rough Steve's tone was. "Do you have any idea how worried we all were? You, nowhere to be found, suit gone, Jarvis silent-"

"I don't need a fucking babysitter Rogers, give it up," Tony spat, and for a moment it looked as though he was going to continue but he found his voice caught in his throat as Steve's face contorted.

"Stop, Tony." Voice was quiet and level, but there was a hint of anger. Tony simply turned to look back out at the city, not wanting to deal with the own twisted emotions he felt at looking to Steve. He wanted so badly to be able to confide the way that Steve wanted, to open up, but Tony just wasn't ready. He never would be ready. Because there was nothing to open up about.

"Stop what." When had his throat gotten so tight? Tony wondered if he had caught a cold, must be the reason.

"YOu know damn right well what." Steve was suddenly much closer, in fact he was at Tony's side, and Stark knew he couldn't look away now because it would just be that damn obvious, wouldn't it? He could feel his eyes begin to burn but there was no way he was going to sit here and cry in front of Steve. Steve didn't get to see that, no one did.

There was a tense moment of silence, and finally Tony was able to turn and fix Steve with his best attempt at innocence, even leaning easily against the rail. "I'm not doing anything but standing out here," he replied. "You don't need to stand out here with me, and you don't need to know where I am every hour of the day."

"You promised her." It was a daring move on Steve's part, both of them knew it, and Tony wanted nothing more than to scream at him in that moment, ball his fist and connect it with Steve's face. But instead he was silent, simply fixed Steve with an intense glare, and turned away. But then Steve was grabbing his arm, and Tony couldn't stop himself. He turned and swung, only to miss horribly and be caught before he collapsed.

"Get off of me." Voice was devoid of the malice he'd been hoping for, and when Steve finally let go Tony ran a hand though his hair, as though he'd be able to force his thoughts back into place the way he did his loose strands. "She knew better. She knew better than to expect me to hold up to my end of the bargain, and you should have too. I don't need you. I don't need the team. I can do this on my own."

"I know what you can do," Steve replied. "But I made a promise too, and I intend to keep mine. You can push them away all you want, but at the end of the day, I'll be here." He waited, hopeful, but he knew he was asking too much if he wanted Tony to suddenly change his tone and turn to him for comfort. Knowing he needed to leave Tony to brood over this before he could come up with a come back, Steve returned to the lower floors of the tower to call the others and let them know that Tony was as safe as he could be for the moment.

 

* * *

 

 

The weeks waged on this way, Tony spiraling further into his alcoholism and repressed emotions, Steve watching helplessly and trying his hardest to be there for him. They were both wearing down, and Tony started to realize that if he didn't break Steve out of this cycle soon, it really might be curtains on their relationship. Not even with Tony's charm, with his flashy smile. Even at this point he knew he could never repay Steve for all the late nights, the elevator rides, or the tender moments that Steve would never talk about with anyone else.

Thoughts were interrupted as flames shot past him. Some dorky kid named Pyro had been causing a real comotion, and his little mutant buddies decided to join in. From what the Avengers understood, the X-Men were on their way to handle things. Tony wondered if they were skipping merrily, or stuck in traffic, because it had been twenty fucking minutes of dealing with mutants, thank you very much. Which, honestly, Tony detested. Something about these natural freaks set him off. Of course, from the sudden pull on his suit, he knew he was screwed. Just who had invited Magneto to the party?

This time flames struck Tony's back, causing a startled yell from Steve. Since when had he been looking at Tony? "Iron Man, get your head straight!" he called, sheild sliding upwards against his own mirror image. Boy, Mystique sure was a pain in the butt! Steve wasn't a fan of hitting a lady, but he'd learned to grin and bear it because of the numerous fights over the past two years with the team. She made it much easier by transforming into a man, but there was something earie about beating himself up. He could hear the sheild make contact with Mystique's jaw, which was now hi jaw, and he felt a tad bit of sympathy pain just thinking about it.

"I'm paying attention," Tony snorted irritably, firing off a shot at the annoying little flamer who'd raised the alarm initially. Cap was right, though, his mind was indeed elsewhere. His shot flew straight past Pyro's head and into the wall of a building instead. The pull on his suit was getting stronger, and he really hoped that Wolverine and his band of freaks arrived soon.

Mystique noticed the opportunity and with Steve's attention elsewhere she was able to make the shift. Never look away from a recovering enemy, any rookie knew that. She was a little disspointed, the Avengers were usually more fun.

"Distracted are we, Captain?" Steve's head snapped back to her direction, where his clone had just been standing, but that wasn't his own voice. Iron Man stood before him, and it was a bit of a shock at first. But the shock was only good for a moment, hardly long enough, because as Mystique tried to flee she found herself flying- and not because of her new suit, because while she could easily pull off the appearance there was just no way she was shooting sky high with her feet. Nope, good ol' Cap had slammed his sheild full force into her back, catching her a little off gaurd. With her out of the way, Steve moved on to help Hulk take care of Toad. Theri fight was getting downright ridiculous. Hulk was smashing just a little too much, and that hoppitty little git was a little too fast for big Greeny.

It wasn't until ten minutes later that the good freaks arrived, and Tony was glad because his suit was beginning to compress. Metal trying to crush you was a little uncomfortable, but he wasn't ready to run off just yet. Tony needed this, needed to kick someone's ass, and his fist had already made contact with Pyro's face once. It all would have been fine, Tony would have pushed on and stayed until Magneto was practically on top of him. Maybe he would have even stayed then, tried to kick his ass knowing it was impossible, except-

"Iron Man, lets go!" Captain America, always the leader, was all but roaring at Tony. A glance around and Tony realized Thor was already busy convincing (and by that we mean taunting) the Hulk into following him, Hawkeye and Black Widow were already out of there, and the X-Men obviously had this under control. Pathetic. There was still more the Avengers could do, still damage he could inflict on this kids face. If only Steve hadn't yanked him up by the arm and dragged him off.

They didn't get far from the battle before Tony's struggling and cursing finally pushed Steve to his limit, and he effortlessly slammed Tony into a wall, un close to his helmet in seconds. Steve hated that thing. He wanted eye contact when he was yelling at Tony.

"Will you stop with this reckless nonsense?!" Steve demanded, and he might as well have cursed at him. Except, Steve didn't curse. As Tony tried to turn his head, Steve raised a hand to smack the side of his helmet. "Jarvis, take the helmet off." Oh, Steve had used his Captain America voice. That voice that said he was large and in charge. The voice that just infuriated Tony.

"Jarvis, ignore that order," Tony insisted, and he was sure that Jarvis was now very conflicted. After all, he'd been given permission to follow Steve's orders. Tony just hadn't expected that to be used against him. "My skin doesn't need this extra sun, and I don't even have my shades."

"Jarvis, it's for his own good," Steve said evenly. "Take it off, now." There was a moment of hesitation, which most people might find unnerving when dealing with artificial intelligence, but Steve had grown a little fond of Jarvis. Then suddenly, there was Tony's stubborn jaw jutting out at him, set so that Tony was giving him the 'I'll never break' face that he seemed to wear so well. His face was exposed in all of it's perfectly unshaven glory, and Steve met his glare with one of his own, refusing to let Tony push him away.

"Jarvis you're a fucking traitor and I am so reprogramming you when I get home," Tony snarled, breaking eye contact and running armor covered fingers through his hair, careful not to blast a hole in his skull even if it was a tad bit tempting.

"Tony you have to stop," Steve started, trying to speak softly, trying not to back him into a corner. Metaphorically, since he'd already backed him into a wall and was apparently refusing to let up. "You not giving a darn when you're home, that's one thing. You're safe there, I have time to help you. Out here I can't save you. You could get yourself killed, get one of us hurt. You've always had a habbit for ignoring orders, but this is ridiculous. They didn't need us any-"

Tony had reached his boiling point. "I am not a child, and I do not need a lecture from perfect Mr. Captain America. I'm a genius, I don't need you to tell me right from wro-"

"This isn't a lecture, I'm worried about you, about how you've been acting in the field lately," Steve insisted. He wished, not for the first time, that Tony Stark was just and ounce less stubborn. And what was it about that face that made it so difficult for Steve to be stern? That stupid mix of hurt, betrayal, and yet understanding. Tony was smart enough to know that, yes, he was being reckless. For a genius he had a lot of dumb-as-a-door-knob moments. Never would he admit it, though, and never would Steve even try to point it out. That was a battle he could never win.

"I was fine," Tony replied, tone raising. This time his eyes snapped back to Steve's, again with a glare. "I would have cleared out before shit got out of hand. There was more we could do, Steve, so much more we could hav-"

Before he could even realize how it would sound, before the pain twisted onto Tony's face, Steve shouted one of the most hurtful things he possibly could have.

"Tony, you can't always do more!" Steve was inches from his face, nearly spitting with frustration. "Even you can't possibly save the day everytime, sometimes you're going to fail and it's not worth it!"

It took a few horrible moments. Tony looked as though Steve had just told him the entire world was ending. Except, Steve would later admit, that news probably still couldn't cause Tony to look so.. devastated. He'd never seen him look so close to breaking down before, but Tony quickly turned his hurt into rage. As soon as Steve realized what he'd said, he released Tony, trying to get the apology out before Tony could manage a reply.

"I'm well aware of that, Rogers," Tony all but whispered. That alone startled Steve. Tony was hardly quiet, especially when someone had insulted or hurt him. And Steve had just done both. "Pepper is dust in a fucking box somwhere because I can't save the fucking day everytime, remeber? So don't bother throwing that in my face, Cap."

"Tony, I'm so sorry. You have to know that wasn't what I me-" Steve tried, reaching for his shoulder.

"Go fuck yourself," was Tony's hollow reply, and at the moment it was the nicest thing he could think to say. Helmet snapped back over his face and he was shooting into the sky, leaving Steve hollering after him. Fuck debreifing, he needed to find something to destroy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick little thing for you all; I'm sorry for the lack of update last week, my computer took a crap on itself and I really had no control over that. Tried fixing it, broke it more, temporary fixed it, got my files off it. You know. So anyway!
> 
> This chapter wasn't changed much from the original (actually, I just added a bit at the beginning) because the battle scene was one I really wanted (I feel like a lot of Avengers fics lack.. you know, Avengers moments. Battles, actual threats, etc.) because it was something really reckless to show everyone how far gone Tony is at this point. It's typical for him to do crazy things, but crazy and blatantly stupid is not his style.
> 
> So anyway. Next Wednesday! 
> 
> Leave me some comments, lemme know how you all like it so far. 
> 
> Also.. if you were hoping for a story where we jump straight to the romance..... Well, you might want to read another one. I like building relationships. Oops.


End file.
